Conspiracy theories, part one
Yes, there are many conspiracy theories out there. The moon landing hoax. The JFK assassination. Or was that JR? I forget.
Roswell. The Illuminati. Bay of Pigs. Cross-dressing J. Edgar Hoover.
Feh. Those ain’t nothing. I have a few of my own conspiracy theories, so vast, so hidden, so conspira-thieed. Gather ’round, grab your secret decoder rings and listen.
This one, oh, this one just happens to be all up in my craw right now. Back to school and all that. Dammit! In my day you went back to school with a pencil and a three-ring circus..uh I mean binder.
These days you’re required to have a cuisinart food-processor, a hi-def video camera, and an 8-person jacuzzi just as “basic supplies” for 8th grade. Crap, I’ve gone off-topic again.
CONSPIRACY! That’s it–that’s the topic. Ok then.
Why does everyone need to buy extra-long twin sized sheets for the beds in college dorms? Why? WHY?
I mean, sure there’s basketball players, and football players, and other giants that the dorms must accommodate, but does everyone really need an extra-long twin sized bed? Here’s a thought–tall people must put in a special request for an extra long bunk, and they’ll get one. Meantime, us shawties can arrive at the dormitory with our regular old Hello Kitty or Star Wars twin-sized sheet sets like normal people.
But see, it doesn’t work that way…there is a Conspiracy! A conspiracy between Bed, Bath and Beyond and all the colleges across this great nation. Bed, Bath and Beyonce need to increase sales of sheets in the fall. So they’re (ahem) in bed with the colleges to DEMAND that everyone buy extra-long sheets for the unnecessarily extra-long beds in the dorms! Payola! Conspiracy!
You think I’m wrong? Buddy, just think about it..All those extra-long twin sheets, that must add up to 10 million dollars or something–depending on the thread count. It’s no accident that Bed, Bath and Beyond sponsors college sports. I’m just saying.
Think about it. The truth is out there.
