Some of us at LOLMMO are clumsy. Are you clumsy? I am. I run into things, I mean, on accident. Not on purpose, not like I’m trying to pull a stunt from Jackass or anything.
I run into things. Like, sober, wearing my contacts. I’m clumsy. Maybe I built too many airplane models when I was a kid. Or maybe I’m just clumsy.
But one thing I do– a LOT? I drop things on my toe. It’s one particular toe. Right big toe. That’s if I’m looking at it. If you were looking at me, it would be the left. Ok, let’s not complicate things.
Here are ten things that when dropped on your toe–hurt. And ferreals, I’m not a wussy. Get it at the right angle–and mother scratcher!!!–that smarts!
1) A can of soup. Dammit!! Drop a can of soup on your toe and you see stars. I’ll get the powdered cup-of-soup next time.
2) The boxed set of “the Office.” British version. 10th anniversary edition. Ow.
3) A Wii controller. Volleyball can get pretty radical. Hold on to that controller.
4) An aloe vera plant. Just a little one, in a small terracotta pot. But not only does it hurt from the impact, it cuts you. Stupid terracotta shards!
5) A bottle of mouthwash. This one was kind of surprising–the damage it did. Many, many expletives were involved.
6) A big box of 30-gallon trash can liners. Like economy size.That’s got some heft!
7) A 14 inch Macbook Pro. Good god! Does AppleCare cover the doctor bill?
8) A box of shotgun shells. Ok, I made that one up. But I wanted to sound all badass, like I’m walking around with a box of shotgun shells all the time.
9) The U-line catalog. Have you ever ordered packing material from U-line? They have a really big ink-on-paper catalog, like 2 or 3 inches thick. You will receive one in the mail approximately every 23 days if you ever order anything from them. Until you are old and wizened.
10) A fork. Not even tines-side down. just the fork’s force. Gravity–it works!
11) And just for good measure, because this one goes up to eleven, a 10 pound tub of scoopable crap-sand for cats. Hell’s bells. It’s better than waterboarding!
So be careful out there. Steel-toed boots are not just for construction workers.